I just want to write this all down before every word slips out from my head. Sigh, how I wished I had Pearly's ability to remember what people do/say :-(
It's just an incredible feeling of hearing positive words from people when you don't expect it. When they pay that little more attention to you and give their feelings to you so carefully. How can I be so blessed for such people to take notice of me and give me encouragement?? I've never felt so unworthy oh my gosh.
Your words mean well, and I wish more criticism would come my way to ground me. I'm afraid of the words getting to my head and making me floaty - I'd hate that.
Tonight has made me realise how crazily wonderful 2015 had been. Of course there were times I hated myself, the people around me, but through it all I think I wouldn't have changed any decision I made this year.
Joining R! recital was one of those crazy big decisions. Not knowing the outcome of anything, plunging into this pit of the unknown always left me hanging - I didn't know if I wanted to move forward or just stay where I was. However, I guess it was just the push form behind that I needed in the last 4 years of dance. I've always felt for these long years of "experience", my learning curve was really gentle and it worried me.
Back to tonight, I am so thankful for these down-to-earth individuals who don't just want to create art to make themselves happy but also do it for their students. They desire to make others better in dance and in person and it's just a crazy feeling I get every time they teach and explain more about their pieces. You know they're amazing and yet they keep reiterating that there's always more, always more room for improvement. You see them push themselves harder each time and just think, "wow."
The questions asked showed your concern - but really what did I deserve to receive this. Nonetheless, thank you for being so willing to show and give and continue giving, teaching me how to understand the music and moving my body.
It's always a strange connection that comes about when you show someone how to be better and help them improve (in my situation). I can only hide half of my excitement and gratitude or else it'll probably be too overwhelming LOL. The fear of pestering people is r e a l.
Other than that, this week has been quite crazy - stepping out and going to 2 new studios for class. I guess the real struggle comes now: maintaining this learning curve and keep on pushing. Quite afraid the tips given to me will get buried at the back of my mind when I go for classes!!
On a side note, why can't I be this enthusiastic and passionate about studying hahaha. I guess one thing about passion that we talked about today is that joy you get when students from everywhere come take your class. It's never about the pay but the people and how you feel. I want to embody this and do what I want to do because it makes me feel fulfilled and happy.
I think tonight was one of the few of maybe even the first time I genuinely laughed at myself for not being able to do the steps. There was a bboy section HAHA so of course my legs went everywhere. But the point is that it felt so good to laugh it out and I felt not one bit of sadness or bitterness.
So glad that I made the decision to run from Wheelock all the way to Orchard Central. The moment I got to the studio and put down my bag they started class. LIKE SO BLESSED?!
After class we stayed back to just chill and get feedback from the instructors and it was really nice. We were just laughing and practising; I'm loving how how my Saturday nights are spent.
I guess it's always nice to know that both parties want to talk to each other :-)
Oh my gosh my thoughts are just everywhere hahaha, this is some kind of badly written essay. Ahh, I'd probably ramble on and on at this rate. Last words I guess would be I hope to have more of such inspiring and positive sessions and conversations with these people ;")
Goodnight.